


there are no goodbyes for us

by Rivkae



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-24
Updated: 2018-09-24
Packaged: 2019-07-16 07:11:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16081085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rivkae/pseuds/Rivkae
Summary: levi loved erwin.and now, he was watching the man he loved struggle for his life.





	there are no goodbyes for us

goodbyes were not something so easily ascertained to those that had pledged their hearts to the scouting regiment. farewells were even harder to come by. levi hadn't thought of saying goodbye to anyone. not to isabel, or farlan, and definitely not to his squad. they were all so talented, so ferocious in battle and capable of taking care of themselves. he hadn't thought that saying goodbye was necessary. he would be seeing them soon-- as soon as the mission was over, as soon as they were back within the walls and trotting through the streets, being scorned by those they had sworn to protect and liberate. it wouldn't be welcoming, or even comforting, but it was something. it reminded them that the mission was over; they were back, and they were alive.  
levi berated his past self for his lack of forward thinking. what he would do to be afforded an extra day, an hour or even just a minute. long enough to speak the words he needed to tell those he loved how much he loved them; how much he longed for them return, safe and sound. his words fell on deaf ears and he had no time to mourn the dead.

the mission had been a mess. levi wasn't too sure what was going on and he never really did. erwin never told the masses the underlying motive for missions. there was never one motive. the commander usually wished to accomplish an array of things, to hit as many birds with as few stones as possible, you could say. most of the time, he accomplished it. then again, most of the time, he had to work around prying eyes, eager to find a fault. and so, he kept it to himself. he would tell those closest to him, but levi never asked for too many details. he knew what he needed to know and he trusted erwin enough to allow him some peace of mind. he could protect himself, his team, and he could be trusted to follow orders.  
not that he was erwin's bitch, he would still tell the bastard to fuck off if he pushed his luck. fortunately for him, erwin knew when to stop pushing his buttons. when not to take his trust for granted.

levi loved erwin.  
and now, he was watching the man he loved struggle for his life.

eren was standing over erwin. hands poised over his blades; he wasn't going to use them, at least not any more, but he was paranoid. he was fifteen, he had a powerful burden and a dying friend.  
levi could almost relate. almost.  
levi pushed the shifter to the side, forcing him away from the bloodstained earth and the unmistakable figure splayed against open terrain, a crimson-soaked fist clutching a tattered jacket. when eren began to balk, levi shoved him again, driving him back once more. levi would keep shoving until he couldn't see him, until the brunet was so far from his mind's eye that erwin was all that consumed his thoughts. it wouldn't take much; the commander dominated every fibre of levi's being. he had been his saviour, his salvation, and his biggest hope for a less-fucked world. 

humanity’s greatest stood, frozen. erwin hacked up blood and it dribbled down his chin, sticking to the coarse hairs. it had been a long mission, longer than most, and no one had had time to pamper themselves-- not that it mattered now. not now that levi's full attention was on the broken body of the only man he'd ever trusted with his vulnerability. he found it hard to breathe; he found it hard to not notice everything. his jagged breathing; the garish mauve smattering across his throat, his pale skin tarnished; the gape in his chest, gore and matter weeping from the wound.  
a desperate sob caught in his throat. all breath had fled from his lungs and it felt as though cold hands had dipped between the cracks in his ribcage and seized his heart, fingers playing idly with the intricacies. this wasn't happening-- couldn't be happening. he fought the urge to vomit, swallowing hard and tasting bile. he cried and he didn't disguise the tears, he didn't wipe them away or clear his throat. he was weak and he was showing it.  
he dropped to his knees and crawled the short distance to erwin. his uniform was soaked, the dirty white of his pants stained with thick red. titan's blood evaporated. 

reaching forward, levi placed a hand on erwin's cheek, thumb caressing a cheekbone that wasn't slick with blood. he didn't have any urges to wipe his hand clean. he kept it on his face, feeling the rough skin beneath his own. tears fell from his eyes, leaving damp stains across the collar of erwin's shirt.  
he felt shuffling and pulled back just slightly. just enough that he saw erwin reach up, blood slicked fingers gripping the thick threads of his bolo tie, the blue gemstone tainted with cracks and stains that would never be cleaned, no matter how hard levi scrubbed. he yanked, releasing it from its place around his throat and he pressed it to levi's chest. levi shook his head. 

"no, no. it's yours. it will always be yours," he choked out, pushing erwin's hand away and back to his body. he was already so broken, his body had taken so many beatings already, but he had stood. he had remained strong.  
this couldn't break him now. this couldn't be it. everything he had been building up to, working his way towards, this couldn't be what ended it all.

levi heard a brief guffaw. he looked up, blood spilling from between erwin's thin lips and levi rushed to dap the splashes away with the cuff of his shirt before running an idle finger over erwin's lip. erwin kissed the digit and levi choked back another sob. 

"i'm afraid my time is over, my love."

**Author's Note:**

> idk some character study or st. i'm tryna work through some heavy erwin smith grief
> 
> comments are appreciated.


End file.
